It is the policy of CityChurch that in order for a member of our pastoral staff to marry a couple, a couple must entrust themselves to a pre‐marital process under the authority of our local church. It is through this process that the church leadership comes alongside of a couple and affirms the work of God in bringing the couple together and the biblical health of the proposed marriage.
Our position on pre‐marital counseling flows from a biblical framework for understanding the role of the church in a Christian’s life. The tendency for some to view the religious and secular areas of life as separate and distinct often reveals itself in a couple’s decision about how and where to marry. For example, often couples will want to marry in a church and to have a pastor preside over their vows, while at the same time be reticent to have the church play more than a cursory role in determining the biblical health of their relationship and whether it is wise or biblical that they marry at all.
The crucial decision that we have made as a pastoral staff is that we want to discourage this tendency for people to keep their personal lives distinct from the church. Instead, we want couples to embrace the God‐ordained role of the church in helping to steward people’s marriage relationships. To this end, we believe that our church must play a vital role in marriages within our own fellowship through the personal involvement of our pastors and elders in counseling, mentoring, and holding accountable young couples.
The pre‐marital process at CityChurch includes several elements that are presided over by the pastoral leadership of the church. It is through this process that we pray that God will reveal his will to a couple about their proposed marriage and that the pastors can in turn affirm this decision by performing the marriage ceremony.
1. Membership
The CityChurch pastoral staff generally officiates ceremonies and conducts pre‐marital counseling only with those who are members of CityChurch. Thus, a couple either needs to be members of CityChurch, or moving towards membership, before entering into the pre-marital process. Attending the “Connect to CityChurch” class is the first step in becoming a member; for more information, contact Stephanie Lateulade.
2) Complete Qualifying Questionnaire
The bride and groom should each complete the Qualifying Questionnaire which gathers all of the pertinent information related to the proposed marriage, relational history of the couple, the couple’s relationship to Christ and the church, and other details. This questionnaires should be brought to the initial meeting with the pastor.
3) Initial Meeting with a Pastor
The couple needs to first prayerfully consider which pastor they would like to marry them and then contact the CityChurch office at least 6 months before the wedding to set up an initial meeting. (Please keep in mind that the pre‐marital process will vary slightly from pastor to pastor and situation to situation. In addition, it is up to each individual pastor to determine their availability to counsel and marry a couple depending upon personal and ministry circumstances.)
It is at this meeting that the pastor will talk to the couple about their relationship, have them share their Christian and relationship testimonies, determine the exact nature & duration of the pre‐marital process, work through specifics of the wedding and marriage plans, and determine his own availability and suitability for counseling and marrying the couple.
4) Pre‐Marital Sessions
Typically, the number of sessions completed by the couple with a pastor will range anywhere from 5‐7, depending upon the situation and issues that arise. A variety of topics and issues are addressed, including the biblical purpose of marriage, marriage & the gospel, biblical roles in marriage, communication, finances, sexuality, and family history issues. Keep in mind that this is only a sample and that the timing and topics of the pre‐marital sessions can and will vary.
5) Conclusion of the Process
The couple and pastor will confer together to determine the appropriate time to terminate the pre‐marital process in light of the issues covered and progress that has been made. It will ultimately be the prerogative of the pastor to determine if he feels the couple is ready to marry and whether or not he will perform the ceremony based upon that readiness. Not often, but on occasion, the pastor may recommend that the couple postpone or cancel their marriage ceremony due to biblical, compatibility, or other issues that arise.
6) The Wedding and Marriage Ceremony
At the conclusion of the pre‐marital process, the pastor will work with the couple on planning the actual wedding ceremony. All aspects of the ceremony need to be cleared and approved by the pastor, including the participation of other pastors or officiants in the ceremony.
- Click here for CityChurch’s pre‐marital Guidelines
- Click here for a link to the Qualifying Questionnaire
